Qapla! Welcome to Alien Cuisine
On July 8, 1947, the Roswell Daily Record announced that the Roswell Army Air Field (RAAF) had captured a “flying saucer”. Many of the facts surrounding this historical event are curious and open to interpretation. Over time the event has become controversial and is now wrapped in myth. There are many details which are not disputed: the announcement by the RAAF that a “flying saucer” had been recovered, a quick retraction of the flying saucer story and the release of a photograph of General Ramey and Major. Jesse Marcel examining the “wreckage” of a weather balloon.
In this photograph there is a message in general Ramey’s hand which has been enhanced and analyzed by David Rudiak and is purported to reveal phrases such as “DISC”, “VICTIMS OF THE WRECK”, “WEATHER BALLOON” and “SECRET”. To some this analysis is proof that the RAAF had in-fact recovered a real flying saucer and later concocted a cover-up tale involving a weather balloon.
In addition to the initial report of the saucer recovery and analysis of the Ramey photo, eyewitnesses describe strange materials laboriously recovered by the Air Force. If this was simply a weather balloon why bother collecting tinfoil, balsawood and latex? Several people present at the time also described “writing” on parts of the wreckage as resembling “little purple flowers”. I have always thought “What an odd detail to note”. Then, last year I met Allen Granstad at the UFO-CON convention in Nevada. We happened to be looking at a large poster blowup of the Ramey memo.
“Does that say ‘victims’ or ‘penguins’?” I said to no one in particular.
“He could be holding a flyer for a visiting circus I suppose,” The stranger on my right said. He stared at me over his glasses with damp blue eyes. He was anywhere from seventy to ninety. As tall as me but stooped over. Hard to say if his hair was white or very pale blond; maybe he bleached his hair?
“My name’s Granstad. Allen Granstad”
We shook hands
“Karellen. Bob Karellen,”
“Pleased to meet you Bob,”
“Are you a fan of Mr. Rudiak’s analysis?”
“As much pareidolia as insight. Very amusing to hear what someone on the outside thinks about all this,” He waved his hand the conversation at large.
“Do you think there’s any truth to it?”
“Oh yes. But none of this. There was never any saucer!”
“Tell me more. I’m always looking for a good story.”
He told me he had been stationed at Wright-Patterson in 1947 and had examined the Roswell wreckage when it was brought there after the crash. Later that day I visited Granstad at his home where he continued his story. One of several diplomas in his study informed me he held a doctorate in chemistry.
“I entered the room and people where just standing around holding bits of wreckage. I looked at one of the pieces and immediately yelled ‘Everybody needs to get out of here now! Put everything down and get out!’
“Why?” I asked.
Granstad went to his desk and opened the bottom drawer from which he pulled a photo album. He opened the album. His right hand is missing two fingers and the index finger is missing the tip. He turned the pages with his left hand and pointed at a drawing:
“The Trefoil radiation warning symbol. Now familiar, but in1947 it was virtually unknown,”
“Little purple flowers,”
“I’ll tell you later Doctor. How did you know what the symbol was?”
“Years ago, having failed as a giant-shrimp aquaculturist and surviving a near-death experience in the process, I decided to change careers and give-up marine biology for the safety of chemistry. Or so believed. Then in 1946 found myself working in the chemistry lab at the University of California Radiation Laboratory in Berkeley where the trefoil symbol was created that year. Later in 1947 I transferred to Wright-Patterson where I took part in the investigation of the wreckage.”
Granstad continued “After we got everyone out of the room I closed the door and asked for a Geiger counter. Someone brought one; I pointed it at the room containing the wreckage. The needle went nuts! The fools had been handling radioactive material.”
“The weather balloon was radioactive?”
“There was never any weather balloon!”
“What was the source of the radiation?”
“NEPA” he said.
“NEPA? What is that?”
“The project for Nuclear Energy for the Propulsion of Aircraft, NEPA. Launched in 1946 by the United States Air Force. I didn’t know it at the time but later found out one of the NEPA prototypes crashed strewing radioactive waste across Roswell.”
“So they covered it up?”
“Would you like to admit your brand-new atomic airplane exploded and showered radioactive fallout on people and a bunch of sheep?”
Granstad stood up and said “Would you like something to drink or eat?”
“Sure. I’m not particular.”
In a few minutes Granstad came back carrying a tray of brownies and a glass of milk. I took one of the brownies.
“Mmm, peanut-butter. These are great.”
“Tell me, how could the USA have been so advanced as to have a working atomic powered aircraft in 1947?”
To Be Continued…
The Commodore and his crew travel the galaxy in search of the most delicious foods, in particular crustaceans. Harvesting these aquatic arthropods can be simple or dangerous depending on the species. For this preparation the commodore recommends the giant shrimp found 20 miles deep in the abysmal seas on the water planet Cabeiro orbiting Kepler-93. The best weapon is a stun-harpoon. Aim just behind the eye socket and mind the shooting spines.
1 green pepper chopped
1 red pepper chopped
3 red bliss potatoes quartered
1 white onion course chop
2 tbs fresh Italian parsley chopped
1 tsp Chinese Black Bean & Garlic paste
1 tsp Tamari
2 tbs olive oil
¼ tsp red pepper flakes
¼ tsp black pepper
1/8 cup white wine
Parboil ‘taters in microwave 2 minutes
Rinse in cold water to stop cooking and remove starch
In mixing bowl 1-teaspoon pepper ¼ salt, ¼ tsp granulated sugar 1/2 tsp paprika
Toss in potatoes and coat
Pan Fry taters in oil
Fry until GBD
Set potatoes aside in warmer
Sauté green pepper, red pepper and white onion
Add red pepper flakes
Sauté until onions are translucent
Add Tamari, BBG and parsley
Deglaze with white wine
Add shrimp, Toss
Cook until shrimp are pink – do not over cook
Add potatoes, toss and serve
Vulcan version of the Thai dish made with marinated tofu. Created by the Vulcan T’ Pol after visiting San Francisco in 2150. The dish became a favorite of Minister T’ Pau and was later named after her. Sometimes a very un-Vulcan version is made with chopped shrimp and fish sauce. This version is vegetarian.
1/8 cup light soy sauce
1/4 cup Thai Basil
1/2 cup chopped red bell pepper
1/2 cup chopped green bell pepper
16 ounces extra-firm tofu (marinade recipe below)
10 cloves garlic, finely chopped
2 shallots, thinly sliced (or 1/2 cup sliced onion)
1-10 Thai Bird Chilies (substitute Serrano or jalapeño peppers)
2 kaffir lime leaves (bai ma-gkrood), finely slivered (substitute with regular lime zest or juice)
2-3 tsp. black soy sauce (semi-sweet kind)
Peanut oil for stir-frying
Dash of ground white pepper
Remove the tofu from the marinade and drain. Pat dry with paper towels.
Cut into ¼-inch cubes.
Heat a wok on high heat. Coat with 1/8 teaspoon peanut oil and heat until it shimmers.
Add tofu and brown on all sides – about 3 minutes. Set aside.
Julienne half of the basil. Leave the remainder whole
Chop the garlic, bell peppers and slice the shallots and chilies. Add peanut oil to wok and cook the bell peppers first for about one minute.
Add the garlic, shallots and chilies cook for 30 seconds
Add the slivered kaffir lime leaves and the julienne basil
Add black soy, light soy and whole basil leaves
Add the browned tofu
Cook everything until basil leaves are wilted
Sprinkle with white pepper
Serve with plain white rice (use jasmine rice if you have it)
5 tablespoons rice vinegar
3 tablespoons light soy sauce
2 tablespoons dark soy sauce
3/4 teaspoon Thai chilies chopped
1 teaspoon chopped basil leaves
1 1/2 teaspoons finely chopped fresh garlic
1 1/2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
Marinate tofu for a minimum of 1 hour.
¾ cup vodka
1/4 cup aquavit
4 cups tomato vegetable juice
2 tablespoons fresh grated horseradish
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon Tabasco
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
½ cup Old Bay seasoning for garnish
6 cucumber spears for garnish
Mix ingredients excluding the Old Bay and cucumber. Chill mixture, liquor and glasses. Mound the Old Bay on a plate . Wet the rim of the glasses with water. Dip rim in Old Bay. Pour mix into glass, add a cucumber spear and serve
Meat Nectar is a favorite of insectoids throughout the quadrant; a sweet and cool (won’t burn the proboscis) meat slurry enjoyed by larvae and adult alike. We like our’s served room temperature, just like Mom used to make – before she was swarmed and devoured.
1 lb slow roasted low-myoglobin animal protein
1 oz. phospholipid
Cover meat with seasonings and slow roast until tender. Allow meat to cool. Finely grind meat. Mix ground meat with roasting liquid. Centrifuge with emulsifier (phospholipid) until well combined. Chill and serve. For a more traditional flavor, leave the mixture at room temperature for several days before serving.
Time began and time will end. In between stars are born and over slow eons burn to cold black rock as galactic civilizations rise then disappear. The Time Lords have seen it all (more than once) and know there is one great constant – fish sauce. Fermented fish sauce or paste may be the truest test of greatness for a culture; no great cuisine exists without some variant. The Time Lords have made their own contribution to this tradition – Tardis Sauce – drawing elements from many worlds and epochs this version of the recipe is based on readily available terran ingredients.
1/8 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup oyster sauce
1/8 cup Worcestershire sauce
1/8 cup Nuoc Mam sauce
1/2 tablespoon grated horseradish
2-tablespoon dry mustard
1-tablespoon lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
Mix in a bowl. Let the flavors blend for at least an hour. Use as a marinade or a basting sauce or condiment. Store in a jar in the refrigerator.
You will need:
Surgical instruments or pumped-energy cutting beam
Working quickly and silently, immobilize the cow and remove all of the following:
eyes, udder, sexual organs, anus, tongue, lips, soft organs and one ear.
Remove the hide and flesh from the jaw and beneath the ear.
Place items in the bowl. Save for later use, whatever that may be.
Beef short ribs – 6 lbs
Dutch Oven or large cast iron pan
garlic – 4-6 cloves
garlic powder – 1 tsp
black peeper 1 -tsp
1-tablespoon dry mustard
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
2-tablespoon Anacho or Colorado ground pepper
2-tablespoon chipotle powder
thyme – pinch
1-tablespoon soy sauce
1/4 cup Barbecue sauce
8 oz apple juice
Cut (score crisscross) or remove silver skin on bone side of ribs. Let marinate for 4 to 24 hours
Place on grill over very low heat. Add hard wood to grill and let meat smoke for at least 30 minutes.
Remove from grill.
Pour remainder of marinade and some Barbecue sauce over ribs (about quarter cup liquid)
Slow cook in tightly sealed Dutch oven at low heat (250F) for 4 hours. Drain.
Prepare ribs per recipe, arrange gruesomely on platter and serve
The Volarians have a saying “Every meal a wake, every bite a funeral.” This dish was contributed by a Volarian subjugata visiting our restaurant on her pilgrimage to a votive funerary dinning festival on her home world. When she prepared the dish, she told us it was her sister, and her recipe. You will need the flesh of one relative (ancestors are best) preferably well aged, however any relative will do. Although Volarians see this as a welcome opportunity to honor esteemed relatives or be rid of annoying ones, you may substitute lamb, beef or pork (long or other variety) but no homage will be gained if a substitute is made. This version is completely legal in most of the galaxy; an opportunity lost.
1 pound protein
2 tablespoons roasted Sichuan chilies
6 chopped garlic
1 tablespoons minced ginger
1 tablespoons garlic powder
2 tablespoons hot pepper powder
1 tablespoons five spice powder
2 tablespoons cumin
1 tablespoons sea salt
1/2 cup peanut oil (or other high smoke oil)
1/4 cup sesame oil
1/2 cup black soy sauce
1/4 cup soy sauce
1/4 sweet rice vinegar
2 tablespoons black vinegar
chop garlic and ginger finely and mix with dry ingredients.
Add enough of the mixture to cover protein. Marinate at least one hour
Noodle dough directions:
1. Combine 2 cups of all purpose flour with ¾ cup water, ½ teaspoon salt, and 1 tablespoon of vegetable oil in a large bowl. Knead by hand for 15 minutes until the dough gets softer and sticks together firmly.
2. Roll the dough out into a large rectangular shape
3. Flour the face of the dough and fold over length wise. You should have a long narrow strip of dough. Pinch the seam to close it.
4. Cut the dough across its length into one inch 1 1/2 sections.
5. Put the dough into a plastic bag and keep it in the refrigerator.
1. Bring a large pot of water to a boil
2. Take a dough section and hold the ends in each hand
3. Pull and stretch it between both hands. The dough should be stretched between your left hand and right like a string. It should be about 1 inch wide.
4. Moving your hands up and down slap the dough on the counter until it stretches out. It should stretch to about 30 inches
5. The dough should look like a limp rubber band; using your fingers separate the dough into a loop
6. Drop it into the boiling water. Repeat this until the dough runs out.
7. Boil for a few more minutes to cook the dough
8. Remove enough noodles for one serving and place in a bowl Stir-fry the marinated ingredients (including marinade liquid. There should be plenty) until the meat is cooked
Add the following and continue cooking for a minute:
1 cup chopped scallion (reserve some for garnish) bean sprouts, thinly sliced red onion
Add to the noodles with some cooking liquid. Garnish with green onion.
You can substitute commercial Egg Roll Wrappers and slice them into 1-1/2 inch strips and cook quickly (2 minutes) in simmering water or stock.
5 red bell peppers (coarsely chopped). Seeds and skin removed.
3 plum tomatoes. Fresh or canned (if fresh peel skin)
½ white onion (chopped. Reserve 1/3 chopped fine)
2 clove garlic (chopped fine)
15 – 30 scotch bonnet chopped. Reserve 2, chopped fine.
8 pickled Habenaro chopped. Reserve 2, chopped fine.
4 Serrano or Jalapeno (chopped fine)
2 tbs Tabasco
2 tbs tomato paste
Tsp sea salt
Tsp black pepper
- Remove most of the seeds from the bell peppers. Place the bell peppers in a blender or food processor and pulse to a coarse pulp.
- Place the bell pepper pulp in a strainer and let all of the excess liquid drain (approximately 15 min.)
- Cook the bell pepper over low heat but do not boil. Approximately 15 min.
- Chop the tomatoes and add to the warm bell pepper pulp. Set a side to cool.
- Remove seeds from the scotch bonnet peppers and chop. (Mince two scotch bonnet chilies and reserve.)
- Rinse the pickled Habenaro peppers in cold water. Remove seeds from the Habenaro peppers and chop. (Mince two Habenaro chilies and reserve.)
- Place all of the remaining chopped ingredients in a food processor and pulse to a coarse pulp. Do not over process. It should still be very chucky when done.
- Mix the two pulps together and add the Tabasco, tomato paste, sea salt and black pepper.
- Cook until it just starts to boil. Remove from heat and let cool.
- Add the reserved finely chopped ingredients.
- Let sit at least over night, but 3 days is better.
 You can use all Habenaro or all Scotch bonnet. If Habenaro are used the salsa will be hotter.
 You can substitute all fresh Habenaro.